Archive for February, 2011

What were you meant to do?

February 15, 2011

I’ve contemplated often just what it is I’m supposed to be when I grow up. I’ve considered being a part of an FBI anti-terrorism task force, a covert CIA agent stationed somewhere in Europe, MotoGP racer racing motorcycles across Europe, a computer security expert…the list goes on. What I never contemplated was a stay at home dad. So, now that I’m back to work I’ve been thinking I need to go back to school if I’m ever going to get that computer security expert job, right? Well, maybe not.

My wife is on a business related out-of-town trip. So, I’ve had to ask work if I can come in late and leave early in order to make sure the kids are dressed and dropped off and then picked up at the end of the day. Today is day one. Today is starting out to be one of the best days I’ve had in a long time.

I tried to sleep in just a little, to no avail. Thomas came in at about 6AM asking if he could have his Fruit by the Foot (yesterday was Valentine’s Day and the kids have more candy than on Halloween). I mumbled, sure. Of course that meant that Anna got something out of her candy bag, so she was in next. There were several other interruptions to my sleep, for what I can’t even remember. Then, it was up and fixing breakfast, then I remembered they need clothes for school, a reminder to brush their teeth, had to make sure their backpacks were ready for the day too of course. I had to clean the cobwebs and knock a little of the dust off of my brain to remember how things went, but ultimately everything went smoother than I could imagine. I drove Thomas to school and Anna to day care. Anna didn’t forget to give me a kiss before getting out of the truck and she waved to me as she stood at the door waiting. Remembrances of my daily routine just a few months ago flooded my mind as I drove away.

Now I sit at work, getting excited about making a menu for the rest of the week, a shopping list for this afternoon and of course trying to update my blog. So, now I’m thinking maybe I should hang up my super-secret spy badge and decoder ring. Maybe I should shut down my high-end secure server/network. Maybe I should cancel my plans to race the European motorcycle circuits. Maybe Thomas was trying to tell me something when he took so long to get out of the truck this morning, while I was looking out the back window at a line of cars backed up behind us to the end of the school parking lot. Maybe Anna was trying to remind me of something I’d forgotten over the last few months when she didn’t forget to give me a kiss goodbye. Maybe, even though I have a day job, I’m still a stay at home dad. I think with a little help this morning I got it figured out. I know what I was meant to do when I grow up. Now I just need to figure out a way to get back home.

Hey, Honey, I know you’re on a business trip, writing novel(s), blogging, Facebooking, Tweeting, Skyping, chatting, texting (all work related)…but I’m ready to start having hot dinners waiting for you when you get home whenever you are!



February 13, 2011

Yep, it’s been almost four months since I’ve been back to work and I’m writing about retirement. I had to sign up for my company’s 401k, rollover my last one and explain the bruises on my body. About a week ago my wife said, “Oh my G*d, what happened to your arm?”. I of course I had no idea what she was talking about. But, she pointed out a deep, dark bruise and then another one. I said, “Oh, looks like a five year old’s elbow to me” and smiled.

Tonight my mother came over for dinner and the kids were rambuncious (please don’t check my spelling on that one). After dinner my wife, mother and Thomas and Anna played Yahtzee Jr, Toy Story Edition. After several rounds the game was over and the winner, Anna, reminded what the winner gets to do. Yep, the winner, or the person that comes in second, third, or dead last gets to climb on daddy. It’s been a long-time favorite of the kids to climb on me, or try to wrestle me or squish me in some way. Tonight was no exception, and I have the bruises to show several nights of win or lose “climb on daddy”.

With both kids perched on my shoulders, elbows either in my neck, my arms, my legs or places we don’t talk about, I started to stand up. To the shock of my wife and mother, with Anna hanging upside down and Thomas screaming bloody murder in what is probably now my most deaf ear I started standing and trying to walk around the room. My wife warned I’d probably be dropping one, my mother said in a stern tone, “Don’t do that, you may not feel it now, but you’ll regret it when you’re sixty”. So, with legs shaking I made it back to the couch where I dropped each one safely, with them screaming, AGAIN, can we do it again!?

So, now four months after starting work I’m thinking about what my mother said tonight, thinking about when I’m sixty (I know, too young to really retire) and what I’ll be regretting and what I won’t. I’m thinking I may be considerably more sore than I am now, maybe I won’t be able to pick up a five pound bag of flour. But I know one thing I’ll always remember, something I’ll never regret, with each muscle spasm, new joint pain, or every time I find a bruise on one of my arms, in the middle of my back, or anywhere else. I’m going to remember going back to work and losing those times with the kids I still miss so much, and all the games where whether they won or they lost, I won, and I have the bumps and bruises to prove it.